- Interview with The UltraBeast -

It’s time to begin another (lonely)
monologue.

 

I mentioned before about giving some details of a
recent (now not so recent) trip and (preferably) some photos too, but I guess I
am not getting around to doing that (anytime soon anyway).

 

Guess I am just not so interested in taking the
time to reminicise about past events. Enjoy it at the moment when the moment
comes, but when it’s over, I think of the next one already.

 

On the other hand, thought processes, techniques,
achievement and contributions hold more importance in my heart.

 

In other words, I am looking forward to action rather than reminiscence.

 

 

When it comes to watching serials (movies), most of
the time I will only watch them only when other people are in the middle of
watching them.

 

Sometimes I feel that I am too inconsistent in
certain ways to be able to describe myself and to know who I am. But then I
believe there are some basic traits that I can talk about.

 

I believe that: others could describe me as a
’spirited lad’. Come on, action, showtime, let’s get the show on the road: I put
in my best effort, exhaustively cover all bases, whatever that can be done,
should be done.

 

Another thing is: Expectations too high. Probably I
set the ‘victory conditions’ to be too high (e.g. a total satisfaction victory,
rather than incremental progress) even when the odds are mind-boggling-ly
stacked up against me. Perhaps this is what gives me trouble feeling satisfied
at the end of the day. Always get the feeling of not having done enough at the
end of the day; can’t sleep.

 

Most of the time, being spirited, putting in my
best effort and having expectations too high: Is not sufficient for any
semblance of a good (satisfying) result… I realize (concede) that I am always
at the mercy of the graces of: luck and time. Smile on me, Luck, and I will sail
through without even realizing that there could be a problem. Let enough Time
pass, and there is more chance for Good Luck to happen. The (good) influence of
others plays a big role in making my life easier, and I would categorize that
under good luck.

 

I wonder whether life would be much more simple for
me if I were to change the above points. Watch more videos, have more passive
entertainment, and feel satisfied more easily, and give up more
easily. Then I wonder, what would the purpose of life be? Maybe having
the privillege to watch videos and vegetate is already at the pinnacle of
worldwide quality of life. In spite of that, I am still not able to feel lasting
satisfaction in that knowledge.

 

———————————-

 

So, in summary:

 

Action, or the expectation of getting some action,
or having the chance for some action (getting a piece of the action) holds more
importance for me than reminiscing about past happy times.

 

Whenever I have the capacity to do so, I put in my
spirit and my best effort, "Bring it on, come on," are the foremost things in my
mind, bringing out a ferocious effort. However, lack of the necessary or
sufficient level of technique, skill, physical ability, energy, knowledge -
other determinants of ’success’ - then, no choice, have to do more and let time
pass in order to progress. And yet I still keep coming back.

 

I would be the first to recognize that I require
the dual graces of luck and time.

 

Too high expectations and not considering the
unfavourable odds severely hamper a feeling of satisfaction for me, but yet I
still coming back. Perhaps it could be said that both the expectation of
satisfaction or the lack of … keeps me getting up.
Perhaps, a more
realistic expectation would be to shoot for progress, rather than a total
satisfying victory.

 

Lastly, when I am alone, I find it hard to be
entertained by passive entertainment. I need action.